It's true. Literally everything you feel is a choice. This is a concept I thoroughly discuss with my clients because once you understand how this works, and embrace it in your life, you have true freedom.
This idea is taken from a concept called The Self Coaching Model, created by my coaching mentor, Brooke Castillo. It's a main part of the 90-day program you'll go through when you choose to work with me. It's a concept that is so easy, it's mind boggling how you've lived your whole life without realizing it before.
It's a fact: everything you feel is a choice.
What I mean by that is our feelings are caused by our thoughts - and we have complete control over how we choose to think and what we choose to believe. You've heard me say it before, and I'll never stop saying it: you have complete control of yourself.
Now, this doesn’t mean you have to choose to feel happy all the time - which is what a lot of people tend to strive for. For example, if someone you love passes away, you want to feel grief, not happiness about those types of experiences. The truth is, our human experience is made up of both positive and negative thoughts - but you can get intentional with your thoughts, to control your actions moving forward, and - ultimately - your results in your life.
It's ludicrous to think we can feel happy all the time (that would actually be ridiculous, and probably tiring, if you truly think about it) - yet for some reason, we strive for consistent happiness - not realizing it's completely unattainable, and not realistic for a practical human experience. We can't expect ourselves to be happy all the time - but you can choose to change your thoughts more often, to improve the feelings you create for yourself.
Another Important Thing to Note
No one can take away your ability to choose how you feel. Since your feelings are created by your thoughts, no other person or circumstance can determine how you think. You may allow it to influence the way you think, but it comes down to it still being your choice.
Yes, that means that even when someone insults you, it's up to you to determine whether you're going to think that person is right about you (and wallow in self pity), or whether you simply decide to think they don't know what the hell they're talking about (since they're projecting their own issues at that point) - and you easily move on in your day, because you're amazing, and you know it.
You can't control if they don't understand how awesome you are, but you can control if you let their shitty comment ruin your day. That is your choice of how you think about their comment.
Learning The Self Coaching Model is a complete game changer for your life. You can question it and deny the concept all you want, but it's the truth. Here's the idea of the model:
- All circumstances are neutral
- These neutral circumstances can trigger thoughts for you.
- These thoughts then cause feelings.
- These feelings then cause the actions you choose to take.
- These actions then cause the results you have.
- Your results will always be evidence of your initial thoughts.
If you're sitting there reading this and saying "what the hell is she talking about?", then I encourage you to schedule a free Discovery Call with me, to learn more about this concept, and how you can apply it in your life, to gain more freedom. Mental freedom - the most important freedom you'll ever experience.
Here's a Neat Activity to Try
Take a few moments to consider this:
- What are the 3 most common feelings you have on a regular basis during the day? (negative feelings are okay, just be honest with yourself)
- Next, explore what kind of thoughts you’re having that are creating these top 3 feelings. Under each of the most common feelings you have, make a list of the thoughts creating them.
Here's where it gets even more interesting!
- What are the 3 feelings you want to be having more often?
- What are your favourite feelings to experience? (For example, being proud of yourself, feeling excitement, etc.)
- What thoughts create those positive feelings for you? Make a list, just like you did above.
All you have to do now is think of those feelings on purpose! Think the thoughts that create those feeling for yourself – and believe those thoughts! Yes, it's as simple as that. Being intentional with your thinking.
For those of you still thinking it's a load of crap and easier said than done - I challenge you: Did you actually try the activity above, or did you skim over it? To get the freedom you desire, you need to put in the work to actually change your habits. If you didn't follow through with the above activity, why not? What were the thoughts you told yourself that lead to the action of not following through for yourself, and the results of STILL thinking it won't work for you? ... See what I did there? The Self Coaching Model. If you want different results, you have to create different thoughts for yourself - which then lead to different feelings, different action and THEN, ultimately, the different results.
Yes, it takes practice. Yes, you'll practice it your entire life. Yes, it's worth it.