Everything You Feel is a Choice

It's true. Literally everything you feel is a choice. This is a concept I thoroughly discuss with my clients because once you understand how this works, and embrace it in your life, you have true freedom. 

This idea is taken from a concept called The Self Coaching Model, created by my coaching mentor, Brooke Castillo. It's a main part of the 90-day program you'll go through when you choose to work with me. It's a concept that is so easy, it's mind boggling how you've lived your whole life without realizing it before.

It's a fact: everything you feel is a choice.

What I mean by that is our feelings are caused by our thoughts - and we have complete control over how we choose to think and what we choose to believe. You've heard me say it before, and I'll never stop saying it: you have complete control of yourself.

Now, this doesn’t mean you have to choose to feel happy all the time - which is what a lot of people tend to strive for. For example, if someone you love passes away, you want to feel grief, not happiness about those types of experiences. The truth is, our human experience is made up of both positive and negative thoughts - but you can get intentional with your thoughts, to control your actions moving forward, and - ultimately - your results in your life.

It's ludicrous to think we can feel happy all the time (that would actually be ridiculous, and probably tiring, if you truly think about it) - yet for some reason, we strive for consistent happiness - not realizing it's completely unattainable, and not realistic for a practical human experience. We can't expect ourselves to be happy all the time - but you can choose to change your thoughts more often, to improve the feelings you create for yourself.

Another Important Thing to Note

No one can take away your ability to choose how you feel. Since your feelings are created by your thoughts, no other person or circumstance can determine how you think. You may allow it to influence the way you think, but it comes down to it still being your choice.

Yes, that means that even when someone insults you, it's up to you to determine whether you're going to think that person is right about you (and wallow in self pity), or whether you simply decide to think they don't know what the hell they're talking about (since they're projecting their own issues at that point) - and you easily move on in your day, because you're amazing, and you know it.

You can't control if they don't understand how awesome you are, but you can control if you let their shitty comment ruin your day. That is your choice of how you think about their comment.

Learning The Self Coaching Model is a complete game changer for your life. You can question it and deny the concept all you want, but it's the truth. Here's the idea of the model:

  • All circumstances are neutral
  • These neutral circumstances can trigger thoughts for you.
  • These thoughts then cause feelings.
  • These feelings then cause the actions you choose to take.
  • These actions then cause the results you have.
  • Your results will always be evidence of your initial thoughts.

If you're sitting there reading this and saying "what the hell is she talking about?", then I encourage you to schedule a free Discovery Call with me, to learn more about this concept, and how you can apply it in your life, to gain more freedom. Mental freedom - the most important freedom you'll ever experience.

Here's a Neat Activity to Try

Take a few moments to consider this:

  • What are the 3 most common feelings you have on a regular basis during the day? (negative feelings are okay, just be honest with yourself)
  • Next, explore what kind of thoughts you’re having that are creating these top 3 feelings. Under each of the most common feelings you have, make a list of the thoughts creating them.

Here's where it gets even more interesting!

  • What are the 3 feelings you want to be having more often?
  • What are your favourite feelings to experience? (For example, being proud of yourself, feeling excitement, etc.)
  • What thoughts create those positive feelings for you? Make a list, just like you did above.

All you have to do now is think of those feelings on purpose! Think the thoughts that create those feeling for yourself – and believe those thoughts! Yes, it's as simple as that. Being intentional with your thinking.

For those of you still thinking it's a load of crap and easier said than done - I challenge you: Did you actually try the activity above, or did you skim over it? To get the freedom you desire, you need to put in the work to actually change your habits. If you didn't follow through with the above activity, why not? What were the thoughts you told yourself that lead to the action of not following through for yourself, and the results of STILL thinking it won't work for you? ... See what I did there? The Self Coaching Model. If you want different results, you have to create different thoughts for yourself - which then lead to different feelings, different action and THEN, ultimately, the different results.

Yes, it takes practice. Yes, you'll practice it your entire life. Yes, it's worth it.



You Can't Hold Me Back

I've been rockin' and rollin' in my coaching business; helping women work towards their goals, feeling productive, accomplished, and excited for my new ideas - it felt like smooth sailing. I was sending gratitude out into the Universe and letting it know that I am empowered woman, on a mission to change lives! I was feeling unstoppable!

Then yesterday while I was getting ready in the morning, a string of annoying events happened all at once that made me want to scream - my dog chewed the handle of the screwdriver we left out from putting together my office desk the night before, my other dog was barking to be let inside, even though he had literally just been whining to go out, I was having a hot flash and feeling uncomfortably clammy (early menopause?!) - and for those of you who have hot flashes, you know that they also somehow make you instantly irritable - so when I glanced in the closet and realized I had a HUGE pile of laundry that needed to be tackled (make that 6 piles, once sorted...) I was pissed off (even though I had let it pile up, so obviously I knew future Amanda would have to deal with it at some point... future Amanda was not impressed with past Amanda), and blah, blah, blah, you get the point.

It felt like I was being challenged that morning - that "nothing" was going right, and everything was frustrating me. I literally got to the point where I stopped mid-stride in my dining room and yelled out, "YOU CAN TEST ME ALL YOU WANT, UNIVERSE! YOU CAN'T HOLD ME BACK BECAUSE I WANT THIS TOO MUCH!"

Photo Source: Ritinha Corain

Photo Source: Ritinha Corain

Then I had to laugh at myself. I can't even count the number of times I've read in books and heard on podcasts that when you're headed in the right direction - and feeling good about working hard to accomplish your goals - the Universe will test you, to really make sure you want it bad enough that you'll push through whatever bullshit gets in your way. And here I was - experiencing just that. I felt like it was just a small test - seeing if I would keep pushing forward and work hard that day - or if I would decide to have an on-going shitty day just because my morning was annoying.

Instead of staying in the zone of frustration, I chose to move past it. And it literally is that simple. YOU choose how your day goes, not the circumstances around you. YOU control your reaction to those frustrating waves within your smooth sailing days. And the sooner you take responsibility and own that, the easier your life gets.

Don't let a bad morning ruin your whole day. Rise above, and show up for yourself - proving that you REALLY want to accomplish your goals. You can't be held back. Unless you choose to be.