I Didn't Know What I Was Missing

I made a discovery recently.

This discovery has to do with something I had no idea I was even missing out on.

Something I assumed I didn't really need in my life.

Something that never really came naturally to me.

The discovery was...

Friendships with other women are empowering as fuck!

You'd never know from this photo that we had just met that night, because we became instant besties! Sarah, Stephanie, Ana and Morgan - you ladies are amazing!

You'd never know from this photo that we had just met that night, because we became instant besties! Sarah, Stephanie, Ana and Morgan - you ladies are amazing!

You may be wondering why I said I didn't think I needed these friendships in my life, or how they never really came naturally to me.

The reason why I didn't think I needed friendships with other women is simply because I've never really had a strong core group of women in my life (outside of my amazing family) that were always supportive and encouraging, while still being honest and authentic.

So to me, it was just my norm to only have one or two awesome friends, without thinking much of it.

The reason why it never really came naturally to me is because I've always been "one of the boys". 

I've always gotten along better with the guys - but here's the kicker...

It's not because I like guy friends better than girl friends.

It's because I have zero tolerance for bullshit, bitchiness and mood swings.

And guys really don't embody those qualities often, so I found myself enjoying the ease of their friendships much more than than back-stabbing high school BS that girls do to each other.

That was, until I realized I had the ability to surround myself with women who are like-minded.

Women who aren't catty.

Women who don't talk shit.

Women who empower you.

Women who inspire you.

Women who are just good fucking people to be around.

I didn't know what I was missing.

But now I'm experiencing friendships with so many amazing women, who are doing incredible things, and wanting the best for themselves - while also wanting the best for me too!

I've met women who come from a place of understanding that we can ALL live our ideal lives, because we know there is enough abundance for everyone.

Having friendships with women who are kind-hearted, soul-centered people is such a game changer!

Their feminine energy is a completely positive experience for me now, and has replaced my previous thinking that friendships with women are mostly draining drama.

They've inspired me to get in touch with my own feminine energy, which has opened up a whole new realm of myself that I barely even knew existed, haha.

And - despite the fact that I'll always (proudly) be a little rough around the edges - I can finally say that I enjoy being one of the girls, instead of one of the guys.


It is possible for you. And it's easier than you think.
Book your free Breakthrough Strategy Call today!

Community Over Competition

Women can be bitches to each other. For some reason, we feel the need to compare ourselves to each other, and if we feel threatened in any way (by a story we tell ourselves), we find anything about the other person that we can put down, in the hopes of lifting ourselves up in the process. But the problem with that is people who are judgmental have their own baggage that stems from, so it doesn't really make them feel better in the long run. Plus, what's the point?!

Through coaching, one of my goals is to help women understand how uniquely amazing they are. Each of us are special in our own way - and that's why there's no point in competing with one another. We are all unicorns! I could be standing beside another Life and Wellness Coach, who is also offering great programs for female entrepreneurs to create work / life balance for themselves - but it's our unique personalities that will attract clients to each of us. Some may choose to work with me, and some may choose to work with her - but we can still still support and encourage each other along the way in building our businesses! 

Photo by  Omar Lopez

Photo by Omar Lopez

The sisterhood that is created between like-minded women is one of the most powerfully beautiful things I have ever seen. Together, we can help a fellow sister - or Authentic Soul Sister, as I like to call them - go from having a shitty experience, to realizing she has a whole community of ladies happy to support and encourage her. Her tribe is there to inspire her - through happy times and sad times (because we all know life isn't always sunshine and rainbows). 

Putting community over competition is so important for your own personal development. If you don't have your own tribe - or even if you do, and are looking to add to it - you're welcome to join our Authentic Soul Sisters private Facebook group; it's a safe place for badass women like you, who want a connection to positivity and a strong and supportive sisterhood. 

When we choose to love each other, and come from a place of kindness and service, we are creating an unbreakable bond of empowered women - who, together, are unstoppable!



You Define Who You Are

Today's blog is inspired by a quote from Brooke Castillo, founder of The Life Coach School. Like me, Brooke strives to empower people to honour themselves and live with purpose. One of my goals as a coach is to help women appreciate who they are, what they're capable of, and to step into their dreams and turn them into reality. I give you the tools to become self-aware and realize that YOU define who you are - not society's beliefs, not what your family or friends tell you, and not confining yourself to the limitations whispered by your inner-critic. Here are the words Brooke said:

"You get to define who you are. Who you are depends on what you think about yourself. You get to decide who you want to be."

So. Much. Truth. 

That might sound like a total mindfuck for those of you who have never stopped to consider this concept. And to that, I say: GOOD! Sometimes that's exactly what it takes to wake us up to opportunity! A jolt of truth that knocks us on our ass and makes us question everything we thought we knew is typically the catalyst for a new beginning - a new way of living.

Photo by  Daniel Apodaca

You can read this and let it pass through you, making excuses like "it's not that easy", "you don't understand", or "that might work for other people, but not for me" - you can choose to be the victim. And you'll stay exactly where you are; not being true to yourself.

Or, you can choose to accept this as your new truth. An awakening of your soul. An opportunity to see the world with your eyes wide open - soaking in self-awareness. Moving yourself forward towards your goals and the life you actually want to be living. Finally.

You are in control. You choose your own actions. You choose your reactions. You can take responsibility of your life. You define who you are.

So I ask you, what do you think about yourself? Who are you deciding to be?



Why do we Ask for Permission?

Asking for permission - whether literally, or subconsciously - is something society has trained us to do since a very young age. But have you ever stopped to consider WHY we ask for permission? Isn't this OUR life? So, doesn't that mean we can do what WE want?

This article by Katie Byrne explores why we ask for permission, and suggests how truly empowered we can be, if only we trust ourselves, without asking for permission anymore.

But since we're not used to that, and it makes us uncomfortable, if you still find yourself asking for permission, then consider this as your permission to be yourself. To shed the 'shoulds' of where you think you should be, or what you're told you should be doing. This is your permission to live your life the way YOU want!

It’s time to show up for yourself like you never have before. It’s time to live true and be you – authentically living the life you want.

Photo by:   Matthew Henry

Photo by: Matthew Henry

Approval-seeking manifests itself in many different ways. Sometimes it's obvious and ugly (think: gloating and bragging); and sometimes it's quiet and reserved (think: not speaking up for fear of losing favour).

Other times, it manifests as a need for constant reassurance. This type of approval-seeker second-guesses almost every decision by asking others for their opinion.

Do you think they would mind if I did this? Would it be really bad if I didn't do that?

They don't actually want an alternative opinion, though. They simply want to be told that, yes, their position is perfectly acceptable and, no, it wouldn't be that bad at all.

We do this dance all the time, women especially. One person purports to be asking for advice and the other purports to be giving it.

Yet what we're actually seeking, if we're entirely honest, is a permission slip to be ourselves, and an insurance policy to act autonomously.

We live in a permission-seeking culture. In a school setting, children have to put their hand up to ask if they can go to the bathroom; in the workplace, adults have to file requests to take their vacation days.

Because we are so used to asking for permission, some of us have forgotten that not every decision needs the stamp of approval.

The approval-based system of social media 'likes' doesn't help matters. Sure, we can post whatever we like, whenever we like, but crowd consensus validates our opinions, giving us permission to have them in the first place.

The death of privacy, and the culture of transparency, can also make us feel as though we have to share our decisions before we actually embark upon them.

Writer Bell Hooks explains it best: "In our culture, privacy is often confused with secrecy. Open, honest, truth-telling individuals value privacy. We all need spaces where we can be alone with thoughts and feelings - where we can experience healthy psychological autonomy and can choose to share when we want to."

Chronic permission-seekers, however, have neither healthy psychological autonomy nor personal authority because they have allowed themselves to be governed by the opinions of others.

"The only permission, the only validation, and the only opinion that matters in our quest for greatness is our own," wrote Steve Maraboli in Unapologetically You, yet chronic permission-seekers rely on others to endorse their opinions, losing their connection to their own inner knowing in the process.

They have become so used to the reassurance of others that they can no longer hear their own inner wisdom or feel their gut instinct. Meanwhile, they are misled by the mistaken belief that they have to ask for permission to pursue their passions.

Some people have a big, potentially transformative idea and immediately go about actualizing it. Permission-seekers, however, believe the idea has to be rubber stamped and signed off by a committee of friends and family before they even allow themselves to truly contemplate it.

"It's a poor fellow who can't take his pleasure without asking other people's permission," wrote Hermann Hesse, yet this is precisely what permission-seekers do, time and time again.

Do you think this is too expensive, they wonder, before buying an item of clothing. Do you think this comes across as rude, they ask, before sending a text. It's a habit that breeds inconsistency and indecision.

If you're always asking for permission, try to catch yourself just before you seek reassurance. Do you really need to send your friend a photo of the coat you want to buy? Do you really have to ask everyone else at the table if they are ordering dessert?

There is huge empowerment in thinking entirely for yourself, and then following through on it.

As a more challenging exercise, you could try taking up something new - a hobby, a sport or an activity you've always wanted to try - without discussing it with anyone in advance.

"Imagine what you'd do if it absolutely didn't matter what people thought of you," writes Martha Beck. "Got it? Good. Never go back." It is in this spirit that permission-seekers should re-evaluate their constant need for reassurance.

It's also important to look at the language you use. Do you start sentences with 'Sorry, but' and texts with 'Would it be okay if...?' The words we use affect the way we think and behave, so try saying 'I will' and 'I am' instead. When we make more assured statements, we tend to act accordingly.

Likewise, try to get into the habit of examining your underlying intentions. Are you really seeking someone's opinion, or are you simply asking them to tell you what you want to hear? Sure, we all need guidance from time to time, but there is a big difference between a sounding board and an echo chamber.

So many dreams go unfulfilled, and so much talent goes untapped, because people are waiting to be given permission to do what they really want to do.

Why not just give yourself a permission slip to do it anyway?